I had been seeing my boyfriend for about a year, and though things were going well, we never talked about our feelings on having children. I’m aware of the dating advice that says you’re supposed to broach that topic early on, but I didn’t know what I wanted, and I didn’t feel ready to talk about that fact.
That is, until Roe v. Wade was overturned, and I could no longer pretend that Roe’s gutting didn’t have real implications for us, or at least for me. So one night in the summer of 2022, I finally asked him where his head was at.
He looked surprised, considering the question. “I think I’ve always wanted to be a father,” he said slowly, adding, “That doesn’t mean it’s a deal breaker, though.”
It was as diplomatic an answer as I could have hoped for — clear, honest, and with no ultimatum attached. Still, I felt nervous and even a bit lonely, because I am not someone who has dreamed of being […]
As the article states: “For at least the last decade, women my age have absorbed cultural messaging that motherhood is thankless and depleting, straining careers, health, and friendships, and destroying sex lives. Today, it’s genuinely difficult to find mainstream portrayals of moms who are not stressed to the brink, depressed, isolated, or increasingly resentful.” We live in a sick, sick culture. We have completely lost a spiritual center. A culture which gives this message, and puts profits in its center, rather than children and families is doomed to fail. That failure is manifesting internally, and will appear externally as well.
In addition the article states: “The twist that makes tradlife a phenomenon of our times is that it also includes earnest criticisms of life under capitalism.” Therein lies the rub. Not everyone wants a traditional life and that’s fine; however, an economic system which is organized around short term gains at the expense for the long view is eating itself alive – we have been figuratively eating our children’s future.
The article continues: “As the recovery inched forward, young millennials like me were reminded relentlessly of the harms, such as lower wages and higher health costs, that accompany spells of long-term unemployment. The specter of another financial collapse still looms today over people considering parenthood, so conscious we are of how costly starting a family may be. While many of us share a weariness of hustle culture, and while skepticism of the rise-and-grind mentality is arguably even more pronounced post-pandemic, actually pulling back from the labor market seems outlandish and impractical.” All of the critiques above are squarely aimed at our economic system. These criticisms operationalize how the economy is effecting real people. The economy is scued toward the wealthy. It would be interesting to see if these trends hold up the higher we go up the income ladder. If so, it supports that cultural deterioration arguement, if not it supports the economic structure arguement.